Happy 2k19

Happy New Year, although this comes a little delayed, I hope the energy is the same.

Reflecting back, I feel like I’ve been overwhelmed the entirety of 2k18. There have been a lot of… changes to say the least. I had come to a point where I knew that these events would help mold me into a better human but I was just wondering how and when I would get there. The last four months of the year I felt like I was adrift in limbo and I had seriously contemplated on whether I should just surrender despite the fact that I’ve been shouting encouragement to my friends in similar situations. Subconsciously, I had been waiting for a catalyst to force the change, to force my hand and direction. But who truly has the luxury of that kind of time?

Something I’ve always struggled with, from childhood to the present day, was failure. I am sure many people could relate. Once I started to excel in something I would feel the expectation, the pressure, the eyes. From piano to fencing, the constant was that I was scared to see things through to the end. I was scared that once I had put in the effort, time, and struggle it wouldn’t amount to anything. But you can only use this tactic for so long until you realize that it also meant that nothing was really worth seeing through to the end.

So, my new years resolution isn’t to lose XX amount of pounds or to be a vegan. My goal is to be a disciplined person. The analogy I made to my friend was this: Let’s say for 2k19, you want to be a vegetarian but since this is a new goal, you forgot and ordered a hamburger and took a bite. Realizing that this burger is not vegetarian, do you take a second bite or order something else?” I have always been a “oh I’ll start back again after this” or “I’ll start tomorrow”. But the discipline to put the burger down and stick to your goal then and there, that’s my aim. It’s about not focusing on the one mistake and writing it all off as a fail, but just having the ability to pick yourself back up and do it again (knowing you will probably fail again). I’m sure so many people are already implementing this in their life but I’m just a little greanie bean so I’m new.

So best of luck to you all, if you need encouragement, please reach out! We are all in this together to become a better human. (Also, I’m so interested to hear what your resolutions are).